Women often ask why I focus on fear, instead of just the behaviors they are trying to change. It’s because fear is at the root of these behaviors.
Our subconscious mind (which runs 95% percent of our brain activity) is responsible for shaping these behaviors. And it shapes these behaviors to protect from us from things we fear on a subconscious level. Think about it (haha get it?), only 5% of our brains are run by our conscious awareness. And that 5% seems like a lot, right? Now imagine what the other 95% is doing! I found the easiest way to access that area is through controlled exposure to fear. Yes, there are lots of other, fancier ways – but this one you can do yourself once you know what you’re looking for. So for example if you do the people pleasing exercise and get that icky feeling when you say no to a request, you’re poking your fear. And the better you can get at “sitting with the ick” as I like to call it, the more desensitized you become to that fear. The subconscious mind wants to protect us from those icky feelings, so it drives us to engage in these unwanted behaviors so we don’t have to feel the ick.When I was first figuring this out for myself (my aha moment was when I started fighting), I noticed the ick would accompany my back pain. That was my way in. So find your ick, sit with the ick, make it your friend.
Remember, the only way out of fear is through! Courage is a muscle that requires exercise, so let’s get moving!